Tyranny of Idiots, Part IV

It’s just been my week for nutballs on Puzzle Pirates.

Monday night, I’m out getting my ship from where it was to where I needed it to be in order to memorize a particular chart.  I have hired jobbers and am about 3/4 of the way through the moving of the ship when one of the jobbers, out of the blue, sends me a private message: “plank me now”.  (Plank: to remove a hired hand from one’s ship by “forcing him to walk the plank”.  In fact it deposits the character on the island the ship most recently docked at.)  I send back saying “Er, why?” and get no response, so I don’t think about it till a few minutes later when this same person says out loud, so the whole ship can hear, “plank me!”  And I say, out loud, “If you need to leave, just disembark; thanks for coming out.”  Since there are two ways the char can get off the ship by himself, and I’m in the middle of navigating, this seems reasonable to me.  Also this guy hasn’t been working, so I’m not inclined to do him any favors.  “plank me poo head!”  I say, “Yes, because insults are going to get me to do what you want.  If you need to leave, just disembark.”

He replies, “what mean dis ebark poo head”

Blink.  OK, at this point I admit I got a little peeved; my reply was “Dis-em-bark.  Hit the button that says–wait for it–‘disembark’.”  He says “plank me or i will kill u”.  I said, “Riiiight.  You’re welcome to try.”  I should point out that combat in Puzzle Pirates, PvP or otherwise, is not lethal.  “i cant get where im going from here” he says, and I say, “Yep, that’s how the game works.”  There is a pause of several seconds. 

“go to the idland”.  I assume he means ‘island’ and reply “What in God’s name do you think we’re doing?”  “well make the ship go faster”  Uh-huh.  “If you want the ship to go faster, you might consider, say, sailing.”  He sends me another private message saying “plank me poo head”.  I say out loud that insults aren’t any more clever in private messages than out loud.

Around this time, we get to the league point near an island.  Since this island is not my destination–and also my idiot jobber has annoyed me–I don’t put into port; we just keep going.  We have reached the next league point before he messages me “why didnt you stop?”  I reply, “Oh, I must have forgotten.  Silly me.”  He says, “ok thats it” and challenges me to a swordfight.  I decline, as I am now in the part of the ocean I want to memorize and don’t have time to fight with him.  He starts calling me poo head again.  I ignore him until, finally, he gets off the ship.

OK, fine.  Anyone can have a wierdo once in a while.

Later that same evening, someone else comes aboard and has been there all of 30 seconds before demanding “plank me crap head.”  I say “I beg your pardon?”  She replies, “you heard me booty hole”.  I say, “Yes, but I don’t understand why you’re insulting me.”  “you all suck”  “Well then, why don’t you disembark?”  She calls me a few more names and then leaves.

And then, about 15 minutes later, this same person shows up back on board.  I ask, “I thought you wanted to be off this awful ship,” and she leaves again.



O’er the Bounding Main

Got the ship back to Eta last night, with only one fight.  Wahoo.

Note to self: Lynx is handy for foraging, though of course this means that limes and passion fruit are cheap on Eta.  What I ought to do is get a whole bunch of people together with all their labor and do a big run, then head to another archipelago.

How does one get inter-archipelago charts?  Do they have to be won in combat?  None of the shipwrights seem to sell them.

It appears to take three runs over a given league-point before it’s memorized.  It might be four; I’m not certain.  The fact that my navigating is still shaky at best doesn’t help.

Why can’t I put a candlestick on a blotter?  That makes no sense.

I wonder when/if they’re going to implement the missing puzzles (weaving, tailoring, ironworking, building…am I missing any?)  I mean, having the housing stuff up and running is great, but I’d rather have a new puzzle to play with.  What would be really cool is a charting puzzle–you sail into waters you don’t know, either in the direction of a destination you know or just randomly, and if you play a puzzle well enough you make a chart, allowing players to discover new islands. That would be really nifty.

But Why is the Rum Gone?

My ship, the Tricky Chub of little but growing renown, is stuck on an uninhabited island, with lots of damage and no rum on board.  I’ve got to figure out if there’s a way to get rum there without having to persuade someone to bring it in their own ship.

It’s only two league points to Eta Island.  Given the runs I’d been making–5 or 6 league points with nary an encounter–I should have been able to get back there in under 10 minutes…but no.  The damn bots kept attacking, and even if I managed to stay out of battle it was minutes of manuvering around waiting for the disengage button to start working.  They usually managed to shoot me, thus doing damage, slowing me down, and making it both more likely and easier for the next bot in the chain.  Finally I gave up, as it was getting late, which means I’m going to have to do the whole voyage over again.  Grrr.  Argh.

Pie Rats

So I’ve got a ship now–in Puzzle Pirates, that is.  It’s the sloop Tricky Chub on the Midnight Ocean.  I’m a member of the Conch Republic.

Mostly I have a ship so I can play the navigation puzzle without having to beg time from other people.  I do find it disturbing that there are garments that cost more than the ship did…