Tyranny of Idiots, Part IV

It’s just been my week for nutballs on Puzzle Pirates.

Monday night, I’m out getting my ship from where it was to where I needed it to be in order to memorize a particular chart.  I have hired jobbers and am about 3/4 of the way through the moving of the ship when one of the jobbers, out of the blue, sends me a private message: “plank me now”.  (Plank: to remove a hired hand from one’s ship by “forcing him to walk the plank”.  In fact it deposits the character on the island the ship most recently docked at.)  I send back saying “Er, why?” and get no response, so I don’t think about it till a few minutes later when this same person says out loud, so the whole ship can hear, “plank me!”  And I say, out loud, “If you need to leave, just disembark; thanks for coming out.”  Since there are two ways the char can get off the ship by himself, and I’m in the middle of navigating, this seems reasonable to me.  Also this guy hasn’t been working, so I’m not inclined to do him any favors.  “plank me poo head!”  I say, “Yes, because insults are going to get me to do what you want.  If you need to leave, just disembark.”

He replies, “what mean dis ebark poo head”

Blink.  OK, at this point I admit I got a little peeved; my reply was “Dis-em-bark.  Hit the button that says–wait for it–‘disembark’.”  He says “plank me or i will kill u”.  I said, “Riiiight.  You’re welcome to try.”  I should point out that combat in Puzzle Pirates, PvP or otherwise, is not lethal.  “i cant get where im going from here” he says, and I say, “Yep, that’s how the game works.”  There is a pause of several seconds. 

“go to the idland”.  I assume he means ‘island’ and reply “What in God’s name do you think we’re doing?”  “well make the ship go faster”  Uh-huh.  “If you want the ship to go faster, you might consider, say, sailing.”  He sends me another private message saying “plank me poo head”.  I say out loud that insults aren’t any more clever in private messages than out loud.

Around this time, we get to the league point near an island.  Since this island is not my destination–and also my idiot jobber has annoyed me–I don’t put into port; we just keep going.  We have reached the next league point before he messages me “why didnt you stop?”  I reply, “Oh, I must have forgotten.  Silly me.”  He says, “ok thats it” and challenges me to a swordfight.  I decline, as I am now in the part of the ocean I want to memorize and don’t have time to fight with him.  He starts calling me poo head again.  I ignore him until, finally, he gets off the ship.

OK, fine.  Anyone can have a wierdo once in a while.

Later that same evening, someone else comes aboard and has been there all of 30 seconds before demanding “plank me crap head.”  I say “I beg your pardon?”  She replies, “you heard me booty hole”.  I say, “Yes, but I don’t understand why you’re insulting me.”  “you all suck”  “Well then, why don’t you disembark?”  She calls me a few more names and then leaves.

And then, about 15 minutes later, this same person shows up back on board.  I ask, “I thought you wanted to be off this awful ship,” and she leaves again.